CKN Shares His New Hilarious Experience At Pastor Tunde Bakare's Church - Latter Rain Assembly

 

*lmao* You remember Chris, last week, shared his experience at Pastor Chris Okotie's church last wee.

Yesterday, Chris visited Pastor Tunde Bakare's church and here's his experience.

 For over two decades, I have nursed the idea of worshipping at Pastor (Politician) Tunde Bakare’s Latter Rain Assembly (aka LRA).
 The reasons are not far fetched: 

• Pastor Bakare is the fieriest Man of God in Nigeria.  

• He has made criticism of successive governments a second nature. 

• His preaching and delivery on television is second to none.  

• He combines a well articulated ...diction and prose in his sermon. 

• Most often than not, he switches from Queens English to Yoruba language. 

• A Moslem by birth, Pastor Tunde Bakare has become a thorn on several former Head of States in Nigeria.

 Who doesn’t know Bakare, the man that predicted that Olusegun Obasanjo won’t get a second term.

 The same Bakare that blew the whistle about the $50,000 given them as transport fare during the early days of Goodluck Ebele Jonathan.

 Tunde Bakare who led the Save Nigeria Campaign at Ojota during the fuel crisis, am talking of the same Tunde Bakare who was the running mate to Gen Muhammadu Buhari during the 2011 general election. 

If you still don't know who I am talking about, I mean Pastor Tunde Bakare,who recently said that he didn't want a cow sent him by Mr President but who refused to return same to Aso Rock. 

 I had so many things on my mind this morning when I decide to pay his Church a visit.

 Will I see the rejected cow? Will Bakare make a prediction about 2014 since today is the first Sunday of 2014? Will he abuse Goodluck Jonathan? Will he talk about the seasons of letters?

 Watching him preach on Channels TV on Sundays, I knew I won't have any dull moment visiting LRA. 

 Latter Rain Assembly is located at Akilo Road, off Guiness Nigeria Plc on the way to Ogba, if you are very familiar with Lagos.

 It is sandwiched in between ASCON petrol station and some other “omo igbos” spare part shops along that stretch of road. 

 The first thing you will notice on arriving LRA is that the Church has no car parking space.  

This to me was a bad omen, I don't like attending churches where I don’t know for sure if my car will be safe. How can a whole Pastor Bakare not have a parking space for his congregations and visitors?  

The whole of the area was taken over by all sorts of parkings. Although the security staff were on hand to direct you, I had no choice than to look for a suitable place, about half kilometer away from the Church to park (although I regretted this later). I parked just oppostie WAMCO Milk Head office. I joined other members to leg the remaining distance.

 I was expecting to meet the type of war chest bouncers I saw at Kris Okotie’s Church last week at the gate, but was disappointed.

LRA had no single bouncer, the guys at the gate were so friendly, welcome to church, welcome to church rent the air.

 On getting closer to the main entrance, I expected the usual bomb detector handles that has characterized all the Churches I have visited in Lagos, Abuja, Owerri, Abeokuta etc in the past six months. None was available. No one was searched! Imposicant” I said (apology to Zebrudayya). 

 I quietly slipped into the Church, Pastor Bakare was already on the pulpit. 

The Church was full to the brim, Okotie’s congregation was a child’s play. The auditorium was full to capacity, but i was not too satisfied with the ambience. Okotie again was my comparison (why am I still talking Okotie here). 

 Pastor Bakare’s church to me is more like a warehouse converted into a Church. The pillars allover didn't give me a good visual position. There were four big screens around the podium, you have to strain your eyes to see what was going on at the pulpit. 

 As i said, Pastor Bakare who wore a caftan was at his best.

 He was speaking on the act of giving especially those that have been supporting his television programmes across the world. He even spoke about watching his program on AIT while in Belgium. He thanked a member who had solely sponsored the programme on a TV station in Ekiti. He encouraged them to support the programme in the coming year, but according to him, it is not in his character to follow the footstep of other Men of God who go on television canvassing for funds to support TV programmes. 

 Then the big one! Pastor Bakare announced to his congregation that come 1st April 2014, LRA will start its own satellite television named DOMINION TV. 

He said decoders will be sold for people to receive the station. It will start with six hours and later extend to 24 hours.

 He said the station will run concurrently with the existing programmes on various stations until they will be phased out completely.  

Tunde Bakare definitely knows how to hold his audience spellbound, he is an orator. 

Smooth talking (I am not surprised because he is a lawyer) intermittently, he raises songs but unlike Okotie, he has a band and choir, they just lift the songs off his lips once he raises.
Bakare has mastered the bible inside out, he quotes the bible like one swallowing amala with ewedu or gbegiri soup laced with bokoto or shaky meat. It was sweet music to the ears. 

 But what surprises me with Pastor Bakare is the way and manner he shouts, infact i have taken four tablets of paracetamol since I left his Church. I counted over 98 times when he raised his voice.
 I don’t know if he believes that most of his congregations are deaf or what. Or is it a way of driving home his point? Infact, the way and manner he was shouting, a mother was forced to take her baby outside, since the toddlers cries every moment the man of God shouts. 

 I had thought that shouting was only meant for casting out of demons in Churches, you know that type, the 'I BOUND YOU, LEAVE HIM, COME OUT OF HIM..OUT, OUT, OUT'..Should demons needs high pitched voices but Pastor Bakare was using it freely. 

After sometime, he closed the service or so I thought . 

We prayed and he immediately break into a lovely Yoruba song again. 

 “Mo digi eleso jigbinni,Ola Oluwa to han rle ra mi,Mo digi eleso jigbinni”,the whole congregation went into a frenzy again.. 

Pastor was dancing bata dance steps, we joined him. It was at that point that the spirit arrested me. I guess I spoke in tongue, but when I asked the person beside me if she had what I said, she said no. That I said nothing. Oti o, how come? 

 I don’t want to talk about the babes at LRA. I have seen enough babes at Household last week to last me a whole year.
 LRA don’t have the best of babes, they didn't have those kill and go babes, that wear mini skirts to Church.

Mbanu, LRA babes were well dressed. Infact but for the make up, i would have thought some of them were from Kumuyi’s Church. 

 At the end of what I thought was the end of the service, when an usher asked me where I was going to, I told her home. She laughed and asked me if I won't wait for the main service.. 

Main service ke?! What have we just finished now? She laughed again, telling me that was just the appetizer, that the main course is about to start. 

Whaoo, ok. I sat back. In fifteen minutes time, Pastor Bakare truly came back for the main show. LRA is the ONLY church that conducts one service in one. 

Bakare continued from where he stopped, this time he made an announcement.. - ”if you know you cannot wait till the end of this service, please you are free to leave now. If you know that you have an appointment to keep that will distract us, please leave now. If you know you want to ease your self, kindly go to the toilet now, beacuse i will not want people walking up and down and distracting others.  

I checked my bowel and quickly dashed to the gents, where i emptied myself. I came back and fastened my seat belt for the final cruise. 

Pastor thundered away. He told us that today is an IMPACTATION SERVICE. He spoke at length on some of the issues concerning the Church and the act of giving. He asked those who are ready and willing to support the new media project to collect envelopes and make their pledges.  

 He didn't speak on Obj, Jonathan, Obasanja, Amaechi's fight with Jonathan. He didn't talk about Patience Jonathan, neither did he make any reference to Buhari, Tinubu, Kwakwanso or any of the Npdp, old PDP, APC and even PANADOL. 

 Why nah,Bakare? Why you dey fall my hand like this nah? I didn't come here to pick and share your envelopes.
 I came to see those fire I see on TV, but alas it was not to be my day. 

 After sometime, the impartation ceremony commenced, we filed out one after the other and Tunde Bakare laid his hands on us.  

Yes, Bakare laid his hands on me.

The first by any Pastor in over 20 years! I don’t allow any Pastor to lay his hands on me, infact Bakare said so too (I AM NOW A BORN AGIAN lol). But I was moved by Bakare and his sermon, I just let go. 

I took a close look at him when he was laying his hands on me, he is quite young from his looks, but you will see in that small body, a mind made of brilliance and steel.
 A man at peace with himself. Bakare may be a “noise maker” but he is a man of substance. 

Ahhhahahaha, before I forget, Bakare has no bouncers and body guards like Kris Okotie. No one stood watch over him. He had only two ushers who stood far away from the altar, but not body guards. 

 I left the service at about 2.00pm and on getting to where I parked my car, someone else have blocked me. I had to wait for about 2 hours before the guy finally made up his mind to leave the service for me to drive off. 

 I look forward to visiting Pastor Bakare again, but this time around, he must be ready to give me all those predictions.  

He must also tell me something about Goodluck Jonathan and his 2015 ambition. 

I just wonder why the man can't just leave politics alone and face his Pastorial work and why is he always attacking Pastor Adeboye and Oyedepo. 

Those are some of the questions i will ask Pastor Bakare whenever I meet him one on one.

CKN